Explores the experiences of men labeled “incels,” revealing shared struggles with low self-esteem and social exclusion, challenging simplistic narratives.
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Despite modern gender roles being more flexible, dominant men still achieve the most success and recognition. The author recounts her efforts to understand “incels” (involuntary celibates), initially criticizing the lack of interest in the causes behind men becoming incels from bullying. She interviewed ten men who are in long-term celibacy, most of whom are lifelong. These men, who do not frequent incel forums, share common struggles: low self-esteem, poor relationship and emotional skills, and a feeling of social exclusion. Many also exhibit symptoms of ADHD or autism, and their struggles contrast with traditional patriarchal ideals of manhood. They often point to a lack of love and warmth in their childhoods, suggesting emotional skills are a privilege of emotionally mature parents. The author argues that the “incel” phenomenon is misrepresented and that the pain of these excluded men is often invisible. The text details the personal stories of several respondents, including Tomáš, who struggles with self-worth, and Peter, who is caring for his mother and studying psychology. The men express feeling trapped by societal expectations, noting that while society demands emotional openness, men lack avenues for emotional support. The article concludes by suggesting that while the public often views incels as violent misogynists, this portrayal is narrow, ignoring the deep, often invisible pain of men excluded from society, who could potentially be allies against rigid gender roles.
