Interviews reveal incels suffer from low self-esteem and social isolation, highlighting overlooked emotional needs.
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Despite evolving gender roles, dominant men still achieve the most success and recognition. The author interviewed ten men who are in involuntary celibacy, most for life, after writing about incels. These men do not frequent typical incel forums and emphasize they do not hate women. They share common struggles such as low self-esteem, poor relationship and emotional skills, and feelings of social exclusion, with some having diagnoses like ADHD or autism. Many also note that their reserved nature does not align with traditional patriarchal masculinity, and some attribute this to a lack of love and warmth in childhood, suggesting relational skills are privileges granted by emotionally mature parents. The text details the experiences of several respondents, including Tomáš, who struggles with self-worth due to past trauma and societal expectations; Peter, whose emotional needs were unmet growing up; and Lukáš, who faces bullying and feels inadequate compared to conventionally successful men. These individuals often blame themselves for their situation but also criticize society’s lack of clear social rules and the competitive nature of modern life. While some express a desire for traditional gender roles as a structured system, others find this concept confusing given their own non-conformity. The author concludes that reducing incels to violent misogynists is narrow, as the pain of these excluded men remains largely unseen until they act out violently or spread hatred, suggesting early love and care could turn them into allies against rigid gender roles.
